Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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