i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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