great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
