I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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