I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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