At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
