You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
