Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
