Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
