Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
