You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
