Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
