u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
