They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
