I look better un-naked...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
