I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
