Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
