I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
