Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
