I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
