so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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