Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
