Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
