Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
