I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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