all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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