good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She announced her abortion via fbk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This house was built for laser tag.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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