The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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