I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
