she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
