im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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