I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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