wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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