i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
