So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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