Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
