I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have already put on my inside pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
