I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
