He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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