Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
