I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
