OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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