she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
