He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you win again, gameday.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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