i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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