There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
