community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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