opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
