i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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