i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
