there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
