everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
